"Hey, a robin landed on your porch! He took one look at your plant, rolled his eyes, and flew off." #momcameinjune
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) June 4, 2014
"I've got so many lovely black dresses. Make sure there's at least one wardrobe change at my funeral." #momcameinjune
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) June 5, 2014
"Hi!"
Round corner, find her waving back at a gold Beckoning Cat in a Chinese restaurant.
"What are they all lookin' at?"#momcameinjune— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) June 9, 2014
Apparently Nancy Grace has a very infuriating bobby pin. #momcameinjune
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) June 6, 2014
Got the full download on Rick Steves' love life. #momcameinjune
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) June 7, 2014
"Let's warm the dinner plates."
"Nah. Who are we, the Rockefellers?" #momcameinjune— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) June 7, 2014
"Let's go home and watch a Raymond." #momcameinjune
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) June 8, 2014
https://twitter.com/narrative_gap/status/475809388238999553
At my house Only Mom Loves Raymond. #momcameinjune
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) June 9, 2014
Treat the remote & all electronics like a pinball machine: push any & all buttons to wreak maximum havoc until all goes dark. #momcameinjune
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) June 10, 2014
What's that? You want a clear counter top at the expense of all utility & function?
I'll send her right over. #momcameinjune— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) June 12, 2014
"We are NEVER. EVER EVER. GETTING BACK TO your house! Whee-hee…!"#traffic #singalong #momcameinjune
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) June 18, 2014
"Did you lock the door?"
"Did you lock the door?"
"Did you lock the door?"
"Did you lock the door?"
"Did you lock the door?"#momcameinjune— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) June 19, 2014
Blinds taped shut, curtains drawn, windows locked, doors chained. Go menace some other house, suburbia.#momcameinjune
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) June 20, 2014
Anybody else's parents sneeze at decibel level DEAFCON SONIC BOOM?#momcameinjune
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) June 20, 2014
Her super power is sniffing at a "full" dishwasher & finding room for heaps & heaps more. Coulda been a Tetris champion. #momcameinjune
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) June 20, 2014
(Points at clay Buddha left by last tenant.)
"Let's get rid of him."
"Yeah? I think it'd be bad luck."
"We'll recycle him."#momcameinjune— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) June 23, 2014
"What do you have to do this afternoon?"
"Revise. Kill my darlings."
"What, like they do on 48 Hours?"#momcameinjune— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) June 21, 2014
"I need to borrow a robe."
"Sure. Here."
(Yells from inside bathroom.)
"Here comes Mrs. Roper!"#momcameinjune— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) June 26, 2014
By popular demand… More Mom:
Mom confessed to watching so many Everyone Loves Raymonds that @netflix "boxed me out."
She's dead serious & really sheepish. #PureMichigan— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) September 20, 2016
Mom: "Here's Dad at the Dollar Store…
'How much is this?'
'How much for this?'
'What abt this?'
"This too? No kidding!'
'Judy! How much…— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) February 19, 2017
If you give Mom a present & she goes to the trouble to register it, you know you've done well. You also know Dad's not allowed to touch it.
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) December 17, 2016
Friend: "My Mom was such a helicopter parent."
Me: "Huh. Mine was like a paper airplane parent."— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) February 25, 2017
I really needed my Mom today, in her role as Reject Catcher in the dressing room. It sucks hanging up your own rejects.
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) July 10, 2017
Find someone who looks for you like my Mom looks for a George Foreman at Goodwill.
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 23, 2017
Mom found an exact replica of her broken-down George Foreman fm Goodwill… at Goodwill. Pure joy. Removable plates = imperative. Who knew?
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 23, 2017
Trying to get Mom to fly in to fold these fitted sheets. #ninja #splinterskills
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 15, 2017
My Mom wants a huge granite dollop of whipped cream on her gravestone.
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 3, 2017
Tripped, half-stepped on a hosta and heard my mother (who is in another state) scream.
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) June 13, 2017
Status: Mom refusing to move while her Fitbit charges. #PureMichigan
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) September 18, 2016
"I feel ludicrous riding around in Dad's truck."
Mom: "Well I feel like Ludacris."#PureMichigan pic.twitter.com/UMBScOTyHn— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) September 17, 2016
You should really consider this pressure cooker.
Mom: "No thanks. We're under enough pressure here already."— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) July 13, 2016
*answers phone*
Hello? Is there an emergency?
Mom: "No."
But you've called twice.
Mom: "Twice is desperation. Three times is an emergency."— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) July 12, 2016
Here's my Mom imitating her own and everyone else's husband when telling a story. pic.twitter.com/dF7TOJ6M30
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) April 16, 2016
Mom: "Your father's power-watching that show Better Call Saul. I told him, 'Make your own show & call it Better Beg Gregg!"
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) February 19, 2016
Mom, never a fan, whispering to me as the Starkiller Base superweapon collapses & explodes: "Well! No sequels." #ForceAwakens
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 3, 2016
"And 70 sucks." #Mom pic.twitter.com/XuIDrjoOWU
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 3, 2016
"I can believe it's not butter." ~Mom
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) May 24, 2015
Current status: Mom recounting details of the latest murder mystery she watched using her "48 Hours" AAA Diamond Member VIP All-Access Pass.
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 2, 2016
Me, smearing my latest beauty regimen on Mom's face: "You're gonna look 10 years younger."
Mom: "Sure, but am I gonna look $100 younger?"— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) September 5, 2015
What are you guys doing today?
"Lotta projects. We got our fingers in a lot of pots. More like, we got our fingers in a lot of dykes." #Mom— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) June 21, 2015
"Hey. Let's hear about your date last night. Tell me two truths and a lie." #Mom
— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) June 20, 2015
Dad & I feasting on basement pizza, grinning, eyes fixed on Guardians of the Galaxy.
Out of nowhere, Mom: "Is this movie stupid or what?"— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) December 28, 2014
Me: "What a PITA."
Mom: "I know, sweetie. What a pity."— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) October 1, 2014
First Thing Tomorrow 