Nobody ties a slip knot in a plastic produce bag like my Mom. #ninja #splinterskill #holidayhosting

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) December 30, 2015

Breakfast. Thick slabs of soda bread toast. Mom eats it dry. Dad wields his knife like an old master, pushing butter & jam to each corner.

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) December 31, 2015

"You want a coffee?"
*swipe*
"& you?"
*swipe*
"Scone?"
*swipe*
"WTF is happening?"
"Dad's gotta use his debit card 6x before the yr is out."

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) December 31, 2015

Mom, taking in Dad's white Dri-FIT shirt: "Oh Gregg, please no. That shirt terrorizes me."

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 1, 2016

Dad stowed this in his luggage. And lo, he continued to wage silent war on the profligacy of the Keurig. pic.twitter.com/bhZEaIqAaE

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 1, 2016

We've decided to refer to it as The Red Wedding. And also never to mention it again after today. #CottonBowl #MSUvsAL

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 1, 2016

Dad, noticeably brighter after learning a new phrase last night: "They don't fly over Michigan. So Michigan cannot be a flyover state. So."

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 1, 2016

Mom, whipping open the bedroom door where Dad is tucked in and cuddled up to iPhone: "Here comes your worst nightmare!"

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 2, 2016

Mom continues to reel over the discovery that the iPad she guards like a Mama Bear is worth $80.

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 2, 2016

Dad: "TMI. That's a woman's thing, right?"

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 2, 2016

Current status: Mom recounting details of the latest murder mystery she watched using her "48 Hours" AAA Diamond Member VIP All-Access Pass.

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 2, 2016

Deploying UN-level negotiation tactics to convince parents it's perfectly sane to spend $15 on a new release movie on iTunes.

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 3, 2016

Dad, stunned, upon finding Mom silently weeping over the kitchen sink: "What's happened to her?" "Some asshole put John Denver on shuffle."

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 3, 2016

Mom, finding fault w/how I use my electronic toothbrush: "Don't you have a quad pacer?"
Dad: "Why's she need a squad chaser?"
Me: WTF

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 3, 2016

"And 70 sucks." #Mom pic.twitter.com/XuIDrjoOWU

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 3, 2016

Dad, reading the shopfronts in the car, mumbling to himself: "Get In Shape For Women. Hmmmmm. No thank you. They won't notice anyway."

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 3, 2016

Apple crisp + a mini fruit salad made fm the scrap. "What? We were raised by people fm the Depression." #fairplay pic.twitter.com/6eBcOU1knA

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 3, 2016

Mom, never a fan, whispering to me as the Starkiller Base superweapon collapses & explodes: "Well! No sequels." #ForceAwakens

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 3, 2016

Shoutout to Mom, who spotted the highly collectible pair of lamps & then lead the charge back to Goodwill to recover the 2nd finial. #noluck

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 3, 2016

Shoutout to Dad, who spent the final day of his visit doing what he loves doing best: fixing & cleaning stuff.

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 3, 2016

Got a shiny new aerator in the faucet that ushers through a torrent of H20 & a full report on which dining chairs have stripped screws. #Dad

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 4, 2016

They're loaded into the impossibly huge new-used truck with a 2lb Baby Loaf of Tillamook Cheddar riding shotgun.

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 4, 2016

And now they're gone.
*Wipes tear*
*Deep breath*
*Locks door*
I love you. See you again soon. x pic.twitter.com/dAqWauh3tA

— Lynne Blaszak (@girlgloaming) January 4, 2016